Friday, 8 March 2013

Sex Ed: Talking Smack

What kissing means for men and for women.

Kiss of Life

Romantic love has three components—romance, attachment, and sexual arousal—and kissing activates all three, says Helen Fisher, author of Why Him? Why Her? Both men and women also kiss to assess genetic compatibility. That's why kissing someone new can create sparks—or cause a budding romance to wither on the branch. We determine compatibility largely via scent, but saliva exchange may well play a role as well. Maybe that's why 66 percent of women and 59 percent of men have experienced a first kiss with a new person that instantly killed the attraction.

What He's Thinking

    The testosterone in saliva—and stimulation of our highly sensitive lips and tongues—may help trigger sex drive. Men exploit this, using kissing to induce sexual desire in women. Men may also unconsciously use kissing to assess the level of estrogen in a woman's saliva to determine her stage in the ovulation cycle and her fertility.
    Men are more likely than women to initiate wet, open-mouthed, saliva-exchanging tongue kissing—since their senses of taste and smell are less acute, they need bigger, sloppier samples to gather enough information to assess compatibility.
    The lips are nature's mood ring: They flush darker when a person is aroused, signaling receptivity. Men are attracted to women with naturally large lips, which signal arousal and openness. Since lip plumpness peaks at age 14 in females, full lips also connote youth and good health.
    Men instinctively use kissing to smooth over conflicts—with great success.
    Men are more willing to have sex without kissing.

What She's Thinking

    Kissing drives up levels of oxytocin, which promotes attachment and bonding. The novelty of kissing someone new may release dopamine, which fosters romantic love. Women exploit this, using kissing to promote bonding. Women also kiss to assess the health of the relationship: Kissing is a good barometer of how happy a couple is.
    Kissing evolved as a mate- assessment tool—a way for men and women to try each other out, to literally taste each other before committing. Women prefer demure, closed-mouth kisses—since their senses of taste and smell are acute, they don't need a lot to assess compatibility.
    On a man, too much plump indicates a lack of masculinity and dominance. Women prefer men with medium-size lips: thick enough to convey compassion and friendliness, but not so large as to appear feminine.
    Women incorrectly believe kissing is not a good way to reconcile after a fight.
    Most women say they wouldn't have sex without kissing.


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